5. silly children and the smiles they bring

Nothing brings lightness to my heart and a smile to my face like watching my girls do something silly or ridiculous.

Here they are begging for food like puppies.

Who knew cheese was so exciting?

Thanks Lord for the silliness of children. The laughter they bless my toil-filled days with is priceless. They help me to not take everything so seriously. What a blessing!

retro: Easter 2011

This Easter Sunday was nothing short of grand.

The worship at church was reverent and full of rejoicing at the finished work of my Lord and Savior.

The Easter feast was simple and delicious.

The flowers in Mom's garden were stunning; their aromas were intoxicating.

My precious daughters enjoyed their first egg hunts...with all 19 of the Becker kids.

My girls wore darling, handmade Easter dresses - crafted by their brilliant Grandma.

This Easter was everything Easter should be. Worshipful, relaxing, peaceful, fun, full of fellowship and laughter.

Israel on the swings Grandpa built.

Kevin and I in a battle of photography. He will win.

Helen and her biscuit.

Helen pondering the greater questions of life.

Helen and Poppa. The dynamic duo.

Somehow Zarah and I ended up safely on the other side of the camera with no pictures to attest our presence on this day. I'm sure Kevin has a few photos of us I could snag.

retroactive blogging

Stories from the past few years are forthcoming. As I scroll through my photos, I realize there are so many things I want to write for my daughters to be able to read and enjoy long after I'm outta here.

And since I'm such a terribly faithful writer, ahem, I will be retro-blogging as the pictures and the muse guides me...and so far as my limited time allows.

Stories like the following!

The tale of Helen at the Dog Show and her fallen banana.

See Helen.

See Helen drop her dear banana, then dash to the aide of her Fearless Father. Being fearless, as his name so conveniently informs us, Father performs an emergency dirt-ectomy on said dear banana.

After successful operation, Helen is reunited with dear banana.

And then she reunites with the dirt.

Needless to say, I watched Helen and not the dog show.

a new baby...and so soon!

These are my new babies.

My very first starters! Whole wheat and rye. I was going for edgy Hollywood names.

I hope I can put forth the loving, attentive care they need so they won't grow to be spoiled. Seriously. I'm paranoid of these things going bad.

They even came to church with us today (pictures forthcoming) since we weren't going home until evening. I'm a very hands-on parent.

4. My soul sister

So, I'm still counting my blessings...I'm just lousy at writing them out. But, I soldier on.

My soul sister is a blessing I could have never thought to ask for.

Erin is an all-around beautiful soul and in the words of Anne, a "kindred spirit!" From our garden exploits, to our "pray for me" Momma melt downs, to our baking catastrophes and triumphs, she is real and good and true and beautiful and lovely and compassionate and patient and steadfast and fun and insightful - mainly, incredible to say the least.

A fellow comrade in arms down in the trenches of life and love, she blesses me with her patient ear, her kind and true words, her available shoulder. She has broadened horizons to me I never knew existed. She challenges me to be real with God, real with my husband, real with my kids. She demonstrates selflessness like I have never known.

I'm crazy about her.

I praise you, dear Lord, for this lovely creature. I witness Your mercy, love and am blessed by Your grace through Erin's friendship. She is my soul sister, of which I am so deeply grateful.

It's not my job, it's not my job, it's not my job...

I read pro-choice blogs.

Here are some I frequent (expect colorful language):

The Abortioneers

My Voice, My Choice, My Blog

Abortion Clinic Days

Abortion Gang

Just as I abhor being called "pro-life" only to be shoved into someone's narrow-minded, stereotyped caricature of who I am and what I believe, I read these blogs in an attempt to see "pro-choicers" as more than their political label. Pro-choice people are every bit as human as I am. They are made in the image of our holy God, who loves them every bit as much as He loves me. If not for the grace of God (and the blood of Jesus) I would be equally lost and blind to my sin. Actually, I'm still quite blind to my sin and can only see what the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes to!

In saying all that, today, my meanderings through different abortion blogs made me feel 2 inches tall. The hardness of heart was crushingly obvious as I watched different videos or read the commentaries. I was chilled to the bone as I realized, "Even a 3 hour discussion, using all my JFA skills, would not move that person an inch in their vehement belief in 'choice.'" This is not to say that everyone I ever witnessed to on campus with JFA is instantly converted, but I've rarely met people whose defiant defense of abortion is so full of vitriol, so hardened and closed off to dialogue that there is literally nothing I could ever say to get a fair hearing from them.

I'm posting the links to the videos I watched for those inclined to watch them. There is strong language in both and crass "humor" used in the first video link. I caution those who would choose to watch these videos...not rated PG, folks.

George Carlin on abortion

Sonya Renee on abortion

I found George Carlin's video harder to watch in many ways. Mr. Carlin's brand of humor revolts me. He was in desperate need of a thesaurus, seeing as how he repeatedly relied on the same 4 letter words to convey his message. But what I found truly heartbreaking is Mr. Carlin is deceased. He took his vitriol against God and his stubborn heart to the grave. Seeing people for whom all hope is lost makes me want to weep.

Sonya Renee's video was so difficult to watch. As I watched this beautiful and theatrically talented woman read her poem, my heart broke to hear the lies she had bought be regurgitated in full fury and emotion. She mischaracterized "pro-lifers" as little more than stereo-types. She shifted blame and criticized political parties, all the while ignoring the humanity of the unborn and truth that women do indeed deserve better!

Women deserve better than "free condoms" and "better sex ed." Women deserve real men who will commit to them and the children they help create. Women don't need Uncle Sam to step into the family and become the substitute daddy, thereby giving guys an easy out. Women need the loving security of real fathers so they don't go from man-to-man-to-man searching for what they should have been given as a little girl. Women deserve Truth, even if it's hard Truth, rather than deception and fluffed up words like "choice" and "rights," only bury the real issue of abortion in a thick mire of rhetoric.

Anyway, I digress from the title of this blog and my ensuing point. As I watched these, as I said, I felt 2 inches tall. Why? I felt completely powerless in the face of such hard-hearted people. My JFA training has taught me to engage anyone and everyone in thoughtful, compassionate, open dialogue about abortion. Listen and ask questions, listen and ask questions...pretty simple, really.

I asked God many times while watching these, "What could I possibly do to change their mind? There's no way I could talk to them. How could I talk to them about the humanity of the unborn when they are so full of fury?"

And then I heard a small voice in the back of my mind repeat over and over, "It's not your job. It's not your job..." That's about when my anxiety started to subside and my blood pressure returned to normal. It's not my job to change anyone's mind, to convict anyone of sin or to restore anyone to right relationship with God. It's the Holy Spirit's job. I'm not God and I don't have to be. I'm called to be faithful, witness to those God puts in my life and live a life that points continually back to Christ through the power of the afore mentioned Holy Spirit.

It's not my job to be God...ahh! Now I can go to bed and breathe a little easier.

3. My daughters

Later, I will write about each one of my precious daughters in detail. For now, I want t0 meditate on God's bountiful blessing in the form of 3 lovely little girls.

I believe we are God's children and He is a perfectly patient, unconditionally

loving Father. This means my daughters are really His daughters and this thought gives me pause. Why would God trust me/bless me with 3 of His beloved daughters?

Father, You have been teaching me so very much about Your love, Your patience, Your forgiveness through these beautiful darlings. I've never understood how You could love such a disgusting sinner like me, but You are showing me small glimpses of what Your love must be like through my love for Israel, Helen and Zarah.

When they are happy, giggling, smiling little girls, my heart is filled to overflowing with joy. When they are sick and covered in throw-up or diarrhea, crying from confusion and pain, my heart is filled with compassion, pity, grief and totally focused concern on returning them to health. Even covered in the filth of sickness, I clutch them to my chest, kiss their cheeks, stroke their heads and sing songs in their ears to soothe their discomfort.

When they are pleasant and obedient, I am filled with peace. When they are wretched, defiant, self-centered sinners, I grieve over their sin but am astounded to find that my deep love for them hasn't budged an inch. Their sin hurts my heart, to be sure, but I love them none the less. How much more You must love me, God!

Thank You, Father, for this small glimpse at what Your love for me must be like. No matter how intense and deeply rooted my love for the girls is, Your love for them and for me is infinitely deeper, infinitely stronger. Nothing can separate me from Your love, just like Your Word promises. I am so grateful.

I'm also grateful for this wild ride of motherhood. It's not where I would have put myself. I have been filled with despair and discontentment when I have raged against Your plans for my life. My pathetic attempts to control this life You have given me, and thus my deeper attempts to control You, have left me frustrated and angry. But when I have repented of my selfishness and turned control over to You, You have faithfully blessed my repentence and filled my heart with joy, purpose, peace and fulfillment.

Mothering 3 lovely (and at times, emotionally volatile) girls under 3 years old makes Everest seem little more than a mole hill. I wouldn't trade it for anything! Oh the depth of the riches I have in this blessing. I have only begun to understand.